Severus Snape Uncovered
by Silver8
Summary: Everybody has this special place where they aren’t disturbed and where they can let their thoughts make somersaults, even our favourite Potions Master. But it’s not his laboratory. It’s the restroom. Join Sevi in his possibly most private moments…


Severus Snape Uncovered 

***Sevi's inner monologue at the restroom***

Alright, I have now exactly fifteen minutes until my next lesson starts.

Let's hope this won't take very long.

Hm. Damned Murphy's Law. This _is _going to take long.

*sigh*

Well, I guess it's my fault, anyway. Shouldn't have eaten those 27 chocolate frogs yesterday.

But I need Morgan Le Fay! She's the only one I haven't already in my collection. With her, it would be _complete_! And I wouldn't have to stand Vector's boasting about he's "got 'em all".

Of course, I didn't get Morgan. This is so typical.

Instead, I got four Godric Gryffindors.

Eeew.

Threw them into the fire, naturally.

À propos Gryffindors…

Why not blame Potter for my current…situation? He always has his hands in everything that makes my life hell, so why not this time? Trust him to put an Constipation Draught into my pumpkin juice.

Yes, Potter is again the source of my never-ending misery.

*BIG* surprise.

Oh, hell.

Even that crevice over there in the wall looks like this horrible scar of his.

Aaargh.

Potter is omnipresent. He haunts me. He invades even my MOST PRIVATE PLACE!

Bugger.

Oh, would you look at this! A cute little spider.

Now it stopped scuttling away.

Is it staring at me?

*insane snigger*

Well, why couldn't it stare at me? Let it stare if it wants to.

And no, I am NOT an exhibitionist.

Honestly!

But of course, no-one ever believes me.

Hmpf.

What blockheads do I have to teach next lesson?

Ah yes, the fifth year Slytherins and Gryffindors.

At least there is one person to look forward to. Mr. Malfoy is one of the very few at his age who have some knowledge of Potions. He's quite unlike his father. 

Fortunately. 

Lucius was such a noodle. Didn't even get a Shrinking Solution right. It exploded and poured itself right over his…

…left foot, of course.

Ah, Lucius. Not very bright, sometimes.

Wonder what he uses to think in such places like this one?

Teeeheeeheee. 

No, I don't want to know.

My, wasn't that a wonderful insane snigger?

I should have it patented.

After all, Draco Malfoy has his trademark sneer, Lucius his typical 'I am SO above you scum' - eyebrow-arching, Dumbledore his twinkle and Potter his oh-so-innocent 'I didn't do anything'-look.

I want a patented insane snigger!

Must have that.

I don't assume that anyone has already a patent on this one.

Come to think of it… Voldemort might have… but no, he _cackles _insanely, he doesn't snigger.

Sniggering is mine.

Go me.

Geez, the time has flown by. Only five more minutes to go. 

I should get a move on.

Agnnn…

Ha-ugh.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

This. Is. Not. Good.

Maybe it will get better if I'm distracted.

So, what awaits me in the next hour?

Oh no.

Granger.

I don't even dare to get into the vicinity of her table because she might poke into my eyes when she raises her hand as quickly as a shot. That girl is a threat to me.

Danger to my a-heyes… 

STOP SINGING; SEVERUS!

Weasley will probably spend the whole hour glaring at me and sucking at my subject. 

Dunno what he wants to accomplish with his glaring. Does he hope it will kill me?

He's neither a Basilisk nor Medusa.

I shall glare right back.

No, even better. I will take points from Gryffindor for him being a general nuisance and for misbehaving in class.

À propos misbehaving…

*big sigh*

Longbottom.

They say that Aurors lead  dangerous lives because they have to face lethal danger time and again. 

Then tell me, how dangerous must _my _life be?

With Longbottom in class, I have to face mortal peril nearly every day!

Wow. I really live at the edge.

*another big sigh*

 If this is a lucky day, then he won't blow up the Potions dungeon.

Hopefully.

One can never be sure with Longbottom.

A natural born killer, that one.

Hm. No, not exactly.

A natural born dumbbell fits better.

'A natural born dumbbell' – can you say that?

Oh, sod it. If I, Severus Snape, say it, then you can say it.

Period.

Uh-oh. I think I will brew myself a Diarrhoea Draught.

Hope it won't kill me.

Then again… there's always Longbottom here to bring my death first.

What a life.

***end of inner monologue***

Poor Sevi…poor Neville! Let's hope they won't kill each other (intentionally or not), eh? ;-)


End file.
